


It's a Girl

by Emyrldlady



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Avengers, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Clint's a dad, Darcy is Darcy, F/M, M/M, Phil is Cool, Steve is bewildered, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-06-01 12:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6519031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emyrldlady/pseuds/Emyrldlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This photo began an idea, which this fic is the result. It's still a WIP so with me who knows where it will go.</p>
<p>http://emyrldlady.tumblr.com/post/142590274690/so-this-pic-was-floating-around-awhile-ago-people</p>
<p>Again, thanks to AmazonX for the beta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

Clint had always liked Darcy; she gave Phil sass. Even now, years later, she still called him iPod thief. Phil rolled his eyes at it, having replaced her iPod not once but three times now, each time with a more expensive model. She refuses to let Tony upload all her music on her Stark phone. “It’s a matter of honor between me and Mr. G-man and he knows it,” she’d say.

But today was moving day for Darcy, having finally convinced Steve that it was just fine for unwed women to move in with their boyfriends. Well, Clint was pretty sure they’d convinced each other seeing as Darcy was sporting a pretty little rock on her finger. Engaged was the only acceptable compromise for Captain America.

“Hey kiddo, where do you want this box?” Clint asked hauling in yet another of Darcy’s many mislabeled and disorganized boxes. Man, Phil was wearing off on Clint with his sharpies and assorted colored post it notes for moving. Thank god they didn’t have to do that again.

Darcy bounced over to Clint wielding yet another Pixie Stick of Doom. She’d been chugging a sugar high all day, at this point even Steve was hard pressed to keep up with her. “Lemme see,” she said tearing into the heavy box still in Clint’s arms.

“Ok, these are family photos. They stay out here in the living room. I want them all set up around the room,” Darcy said as she haphazardly threw some of the photos back into the box.

Clint nodded, distracted by the glimpse of one of the photos. He put box down on the floor near the entertainment center and picked up the photo. It was Darcy, but not. The young woman with dark tousled curls and wide smile tugged at Clint’s mind, and his heart stuttered a bit.  She was sitting down on a huge bed in a formal bedroom. She was wearing a wedding gown that only could have been produced in the 80’s with a high collar of lace and huge puffed sleeves that competed with her huge belly.

Clint knew that bed. It featured prominently in most of his later teenage fantasies. It was the most luxurious thing he’d ever seen. The bed itself was bigger than the trailer he and Barney had shared when he was with Carson’s. Hell, it was bigger than _Carson’s_ trailer. He’d told her that, she’d laughed. Now Clint knew why Darcy’s laugh was so familiar. The crystal chandelier was huge! He’d never seen anything like that in someone’s home. Not that he’d had much experience in what people’s homes looked like, but he was pretty sure.

She’d come to the circus with her friends, on a lark. They were all pretty rich, they called the other kids townies, they were all ‘from the hill’ which Clint had figured meant the rich part of town. They were all wasted and loud, causing a bit of trouble, but nothing the fairway guys couldn’t handle. She’d seen his act, said he looked hot in spandex and long hair. Hell, it was the 80’s, that was the look.

It was spring break and her parents were the ones who went away. Leaving her to have as many parties as she wanted. And what she wanted was to stick it to her parents, and her cheating boyfriend, by having sex in her parents bed with the circus freak.

“Kimmie,” Clint whispered the long forgotten name.

Darcy turned from the box she and Steve were unloading and looked at Clint questioningly. “How do you know my mother’s name?”

“Your…mother?!” Clint exclaimed, his head snapping up to look at Darcy.

“Yep, wild dress huh?” Darcy asked. “Well it was the 80’s so I can cut her some slack. Plus y’know, hard to find a mermaid dress that fits someone who was preggers.”

“Pregnant.” Clint’s breath hitched staring at the picture.

“Seriously dude? I so didn’t peg your for bein’ a prude. Condom broke, it happens. Dad ‘did the right thing’.” Darcy air quoted.

“Dad?” Clint’s heart was racing.

“Yeah, Dad. What did you think she was wearing that white dress for?”

“So…you’ve got a dad?”  

Darcy’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Duh. Mom didn’t use a turkey baster.”

“Uh…good. Yeah, good. Um, Darce, I’ve got to run. I just a…remembered a thing.”

“A thing?”

“Yeah, a Phil thing. Yeah. Gotta go.” Clint practically ran Steve down at the door in his haste.

Not only did Clint run down the five flights of stairs in Steve’s building, but he ran the entire five miles to the Chelsea brownstone he and Phil shared.

Clint slammed their front door open, startling Phil who had just gotten home from HQ. “You’re home early. How did the move go?”

Clint was still gasping to catch his breath. “Fuck. I think I’m a father.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long and it's so short. I just started a new job, in a new career and I'm exhausted almost constantly. Between either being unemployed or working from home the past few years I have to get used to commuting again on top of the anxiety of learning a whole new career at my age. Ugh. Enough about that, I again want to thank AmazonX for the quick beta. And I will try to get in a bit more writing so that the chapters will be longer and faster. he he he, wait, it's not that kind of story.

 

 

Phil blinked slowly. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Clint took several deep breaths and let them out slowly, trying to stave off a panic attack. Believe it or not he listened to the Psych department once in a while. “I think I’m a father, specifically, Darcy’s father.”

“And what led you to this conclusion? You’re not much older than she is,” Phil said calmly, despite the slight twitch near his eye.

 "I never really checked how much older than Darce I was, but now I'm going with about sixteen."

"You know this how?"

"Because that's how old I was when I slept with her mother," Clint said.

Phil paused. "And how exactly did that happen?"

"Babe, I know you've always been gay, but you should at least know the basics," Clint snarked.

Phil raised his eyebrow as if to say ‘ _I know you are freaking out and that is the only reason you are getting a pass for that remark’._ Phil's eyebrow was very eloquent. 

Clint sighed. "When I was sixteen and still with Carson's, we stayed a couple of weeks outside of Chicago. Set up in a rich neighborhood called Williesomething.”

“Wilmette Illinois, yes, that’s a very affluent neighborhood. And if I recall from her paperwork the birth place of Darcy Lewis,” Phil said, sitting down on the sofa slightly dazed at the now real possibility.

 “Shit.”

 “Eloquent.”

 “Fuck.”

 “Shouldn’t you be watching your language now that you’re a father?”

 “Oh fuck you.”

 “Well, at least I won’t get pregnant.”

 “I really hate you right now.”

Phil smiled, finally taking pity on Clint. “No you don’t. But I’ll stop teasing you anyway.”

Clint planted himself on the couch leaning into Phil. “Thanks. What am I going to do?”

“Well, let’s start with the obvious. Are you sure?” Phil asked.

“Not really. I mean, I’m sure that the woman in the picture is the same girl I slept with. The room is the same one I was in. And when I said her name, Darcy asked me how I knew her mother’s name.”

Phil nodded. “All things that could make you curious, but it’s a pretty big jump from knowing and sleeping with someone and claiming fatherhood.”

Clint sighed, “I know, but I just... I just know it. It explains a lot of things. We’re both sarcastic, prone to pranks...”

“You both love annoying me.”

Clint chuckled. “Yeah, that too.”

“Did you say anything to her?”

“Hell no, I ran. I flat out ran from her all the way here.”

“You ran the five miles from their home to ours?” Phil asked.

“Yeah.... I shoulda stretched.” Clint winced as he flopped further onto the sofa.

“Hmpf, you’re an idiot. You’re lucky I love you,” Phil said as he got up, causing Clint to fall further into the cushions, and went to the kitchen for a sports drink for Clint.

“Even now?”

Phil handed him the drink and leaned over to kiss him. “Even now.”

“What do I do now, Phil?”

“Do you want to talk to Darcy about it?”

“I... I don’t know. What good would it do? She’s an adult. She’s engaged to Captain Freakin’ America, for cryin out loud. She doesn’t need me to... Oh God! Phil! I’m going to be Captain America’s father in law!”

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for such a great response on my little fluff. I'm getting into more of a schedule at work and that's letting me get some writing done. I'm expecting this to be maybe 3 or 4 more small chapters and I've got another one I've had on the back burner of my brain for a while. But that one will require RESEARCH!!!
> 
> Hugs to you all and especially AmazonX

 

 

"Care to tell me why you've got your little lab bunnies doing a DNA test on your husband and your PA?"

 "I have no idea what you're talking about, Nick," Phil lied smoothly. 

 "Don't bullshit me, Cheese. You've got your pet scientists running tests on an Avenger. On or off the books, you don't think I'd find out?"

 Phil hesitated. "It's personal."

 "It sounds like you either think they're related, they're having an affair or they're both mutants. Good money'd be on the last one. But I can see where you might be nervous about your man wandering. She's feisty and has quite the rack on her, two things you don't have. And he is stupid enough to try and take the girl of a national icon."

 "Are you saying that my husband is the kind to stray? Because that's just plain insulting. Do I need to have him write an essay on my skills in bed and turn it in to you? Because he would. Gleefully. I'd even reward him for it. He'd be happy to tell you about the time we were on the QuinJet and Natasha was piloting. He's not a quiet bedmate. I could even have him explain that thing I do with my tongue that he says is what made him propose."

"Ugh! Ok, Uncle! I give. Just stop with the images please."

"Then stop snooping in my business."

“The way I see it, it's my business when someone, especially a bio-engineer, is testing an Avenger's DNA. Especially if something hinky is going on that could affect the team," Nick replied.

"Let's just say it's not currently relevant to the Initiative. If that changes, I'll inform you."

"And if it affects you personally?" 

"I'll inform you over some good scotch. But I don't think the results are a bad thing necessarily," Phil said. 

"You already have the results?" Nick asked.

"Yes, despite you trying to lock me out of the system while we've been talking. My so called 'lab bunnies' called me just before you did. When they realized someone was accessing their work." 

"Well aren't they the little go-getters," Nick laughed. 

"I don't ask favors of idiots."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Nothing."

"Seriously?"

"Not my place to make decisions for my husband."

"Since when did that stop you?"

"You really give me too much credit when it comes to Clint's judgement," Phil said.

"You don't give yourself enough."

"Goodbye, Nick. Don't worry, none of our superheros are going to explode today."

"I read your report on Ms. Lewis and her Taser. I'll take that bet."

"Get lost and mind your own business, Marcus," Phil said and hung up.

 

"So... Fury knows?" Clint asked from the doorway. Phil had known he was there, he always knew.

"Yes and no. He knows there was a test, knows who it was for and has a few guesses for why. But Simmons had the data removed and scrubbed as soon as she got the results."

"I like Jemma, I'd like her better if she didn't want to do all kinds of tests on my eyesight," Clint smiled.

"Be careful. you now owe her a favor. She's all sweet and adorable, but she's a scientist to her core," Phil replied, patting the seat next to him for Clint to sit down.

"So.... you know?" Clint asked, sitting close to his husband for comfort.

Phil nodded. "I know."

"Well?"

"Congratulations, it's a girl."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darce.... we need to talk.

“Why are we at my favorite bakery? In Jersey, you hate Jersey. You also hate Cake Boss. Are we doing a cake tasting? Because, a- Steve should be here and 2 we’re not that far into the planning stage for this yet,” Darcy babbled at Clint while he fidgeted, which made Darcy more nervous and babbly.

“I, uh…” Clint shuffled from leg to leg standing in line. “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Darcy’s eyes narrowed. “Why?” Am I dying or something? Did something happen to Steve? We just left him an hour ago. Did G-Man break up with you?”

“No, NO NO! Geesh, can’t I be nice?”

“Not really, no.”

“Nobody’s dying, nobody’s hurt, nobody’s breaking up with anybody. I just... I just wanted to get to know you better,” Clint said.

“I’m still suspicious. And you made me worry, so that means you’re buying.”

Clint smiled. “I assumed I was buying to begin with.”

“Yeah, well, now I’m getting something for Steve, too. At least a dozen cannoli, maybe a couple of Sfogliatella, some lobster tails. Steve likes the sweeter cream in the tails.”  
“Darce, you’re killin me! Whadda ya think, I’m made of money? It’s your boyfriend who’s got the Avengers marketing cash, not me. I barely got a deal with Nerf!”

“Don’t try to fool me. I’m your husband’s PA; I’ve seen the joint bank statements. You could bankroll my whole wedding and not bat an eye.”

Clint froze up. “I, uh, I could, I guess.” He smiled weakly. “But let’s just start with some pastries.”

“Okaaay? Dude, you’re so weird today. What’s up with that?”

Clint nodded to the woman behind the counter, one of the sisters from the show he thought. “Tell the lady what you want and then we’ll go talk.”

“Fine,” Darcy said turning to the glass cases filled with pastries, “but somebody better not be dying.”

 

***

“Darce, we should talk.” Clint said.

“Ok Bowboy, spill,” Darcy said around flaky pastry, powdered sugar flying.

“Bowboy? Really? You’re better than that, that’s not even worthy of Tony it’s so bad.”

Darcy shrugged. “You’ve got me distracted with imminent death.”

“Oh geez, nobody is dying.”

“We’re all dying pal, just a matter of time.”

“Fine, there’s no imminent death that I’m aware of. Does that satisfy you?”

“Ok, but that doesn’t explain you being weirder than usual.”

“Like I said, I wanted to get to know you better. Where you’re from, what your family is like, what you want out of life, that kind of thing.” Clint took another bite of his cannoli in his mouth in fear of babbling again.

“Is this about you wigging out during my move? You suddenly realize I’m gonna be part of the Avengers wives club? I should be chatting with G-Man for that.” Darcy narrowed her eyes. “Or is it about the fact that you slept with my mother?”

Clint choked, the last of his cannoli spewing forth. “What? How did you? Why would you...”

“Please, my mother bragged about it when I started dating Steve. Said she nailed your spandex wearing ass when you were a kid. She recognized your right off. “ Darcy said dismissively.

“Then you knew?” Clint exclaimed.

“Yep. No biggie.” Darcy licked the last of the cream from her fingers.

“So you’re ok with it?”

“Sure. Whatever floats your boat, you were just kids anyway. Didn’t think you’d get all freaky about it.”

“Darcy how are you so calm about this? I thought even you’d be a little freaked out by having me as a father!”

..... “WHAT!?!?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Closing in on the finish. Maybe 2 more chapters. It's been fun!

 

 

“I’ve lost her! I’m a father for one freakin’ day and I’ve lost her!”

“Calm down,” Phil said into the phone. “What do you mean you’ve lost her? She’s a grown woman, not a toddler.”

“She’s a grown woman who just found out I’m her father. She took off, ran. Because that’s what any sane person would do in this instance.”

“Did you just blurt it out? Or did you lead up to it slowly like we discussed?” Phil asked.

“She blurted first! And then I spewed cannoli and then she ran,” Clint said.

“Clint, you’re making less sense than usual.”

“Not my fault! She knew! But she didn’t and then I said it and then she ran!”

“Barton! Sitrep!” Phil demanded.

“Yes Sir!” Clint automatically responded, as Phil anticipated.  

“Go ahead. Clearly this time.”

Clint took a cleansing breath. “Darcy suspected something was up. After we’d gone to the bakery, which by the way is good but expensive as hell. Please don’t make me come here again.”

“Focus, Barton.”

“Yes Sir, we sat on a bench along the river. Like I said, she’d suspected something was up, and noted it was probably related to the way I hightailed it out of their place after seeing her mother’s photo.”

“And then you screwed up?”

“This was not my fault. Well not entirely,” Clint hedged.

“Go on.”

“She knew!”

"Wait, what? She knew you were her father and never said it?”

“That’s what I thought!”

“I’m getting lost again. What did she know?”

“Ok, she asked why I was wigging, her word not mine, and was it because I slept with her mother?”

“She knew you slept with her mother.”

“Yes! Evidently Kimmie recognized me and when Darcy started dating Steve her mother told her all about ‘nailing my spandexed ass’.”

“Eww.”

“I know, right? Mothers tell these kind of things to their daughters? Really?”

“Well, Darcy is an original, guess she didn’t get it all from you.”

“Aaaand that’s where I effed up.”

“Ahh, the run.”

“I asked her why she was so calm having me for a father.”

“And that’s something Kimmie left out of her colourful story.”

“Yep, once the cannoli dust cleared, she was gone.”

Phil sighed. “Well she’s a grown woman; she knows how to get home. And I suggest you do the same. Once you get here, we’ll form a plan.”

"I love you,” Clint said. “You always know what to do.”

“Not always, but thank you. And I love you too. Now come home.”

“On my way.” Clint disconnected the call and headed towards the PATH train station. His phone rang a minute later and without looking he picked it up.

“Hey babe, you get a brilliant idea to sort this out?”

“Hello Clint, care to explain to me how getting cannoli in Jersey ends up with a broken engagement and my girl getting on a plane to go home to her mother?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta AmazonX for scolding me. I've been rushing the last few chapters.  
> Just one more to go!

 

 

“You had the TSA detain me!”

“Technically, that was Phil.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass for ‘technically’,” Darcy finger quoted. “The TSA has better things to do than detain me at Newark airport in a smelly back office. S.H.I.E.L.D. interrogation rooms are cozier. What the hell did G-Man tell them? They’re treating me like I’m going to explode or something.” Darcy paced the small not so clean room she had been in for the hour or so it took Clint to get to the airport.

“Well, Steve called, and said you broke it off. To be fair, to Phil, Captain America getting dumped IS a national emergency. He probably just said it was Avenger business.”

“I didn’t dump him.”

“Then why did he call me and tell me you did. Steve doesn’t lie. He sounded very hurt.” Clint leaned against the door, arms crossed, attempting to look like Phil when he scolds.

“Seriously? You’re trying to parent me right now?!?!” Darcy screeched.

Clint held up his hands pleadingly, “No! No, not one bit. Just... saying what I heard.”

“Well I didn’t dump him,” Darcy huffed. “I just told him I needed to talk to my mother and that things were weird!”

Clint raised his eyebrows.

“Well, they ARE!”

“You’re not the only one weirded out here. You at least knew part of the story. For months! I had no clue till I saw that picture,” Clint replied.

“Well, I thought it would be weird to say ‘hey, so you banged my mom when you were a kid’.”

“Really? You thought that would be weird, but you didn’t think asking my husband what flavor lube we use was?”

“Pfft, that was just to get a reaction out of him. This was personal. Besides, I didn’t know if Coulson knew you were Bi. I was trying to be discrete.”

“Darcy, I used to be in a relationship with Natasha. While working with Phil, we had sex in safe houses with him in the next room. I’m pretty sure he knows.”

“Oh.” Darcy’s voice got smaller. She sighed and sat down on one of the benches in the TSA room they had commandeered.  “I just... are you sure? I mean about you and me?”

Clint nodded, sitting next to her. “Phil had a test run since both of our DNA is on file with S.H.I.E.L.D.  I was trying to figure out what you knew about your parents when you took me by surprise. So I thought Kimmie had told you the whole thing. I really didn’t want to break it to you like that. I wasn’t even sure I’d tell you, to be honest.”

“Why?” Darcy scrunched her nose in confusion, her voice full of hurt.

“Not to hurt you, but well, I didn’t want to ruin any relationship you have with your parents. I figured I’d do some recon first, gather intel.”

“I’m not a mission Clint,” Darcy snarked. “Or would you rather ‘Dad’?”

“No! Look, Darce, I’m just as blindsided by this as you. Do you want to go talk to your mother? Do you want me to come with you?”

“I want to know why she lied to me, to my dad.”

“Maybe she didn’t even know? She told me she was trying to get back at her boyfriend. Maybe that was your dad? They could have gotten back together when school was back in session. She probably didn’t give me a second thought until my face popped up on TV and someone did a bio on me being in the circus.”

“If she said she had a boyfriend, why did you sleep with her?”

“Darce, I was sixteen, full of adrenaline and hormones and your mom was hot and it was a nice bed. Back then, I never got to sleep in beds. I was stupid and selfish. I didn’t have the same upbringing as most people.” Clint explained. 

“I love my dad.”

“I’m glad you do.”

“You’re not my dad.”

“Nope. I’m just a freak of biology.”

“You’re not a freak.”

“Thank you.” Clint slowly put his arm around Darcy, projecting his move in case she would turn away.

“Look, the way things stand is that we can talk to your mom, or not. We can let it go and we’re just good friends like we’ve been. It’s totally up to you.”

Darcy leaned on his shoulder. “I didn’t break up with Steve.”

“I know you didn’t.”

“He’s just a drama queen.”

“You can tell him that. He still wants to punch me.”

“He can’t punch you. You’re gonna be his father-in-law.”

 Clint laughed. “That’s one of the first things I said when I found out. Phil is SOOOOO jealous.”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, we're at the end of this little piece of fluff. I've been happy to consistently be writing again. Hopefully the few ideas I've got rolling around come to something.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments, they're like air to a writer. And thanks to AmazonX for all the hand holding and comma eliminating.

 

 

 

 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not the way it’s supposed to go.” Clint said, accepting a glass of champagne from Phil. They were dressed up but not nearly posh enough for one of Tony’s parties, despite Phil’s tailored suit and Clint’s dress slacks.

“You mean the future son-in-law giving the newly minted father the shovel talk? Well, we are an out of the box group,” Phil said, eyeing Steve as he walked over and gave Darcy a kiss on her cheek, causing the forthright woman to blush.

“And we just get stranger,” Clint said, looking around the room and spotting Darcy’s parents transfixed by Thor telling some story or another. Phil just hoped it wasn’t about a bilgesnipe.

“How’s Darcy adjusting since talking it out with her parents?”

“Well, since Tony is throwing them a RE-engagement party, she’s doing ok.”

“She still insists she didn’t break up with him,” Phil reminded Clint.

“True, but its Tony; there’s not really an excuse needed for a party.” Despite all their snark he and Steve had become good friends.

Phil guided Clint to a quiet corner of the lavish room and sat on the loveseat with his husband. “And you? How are you dealing with knowing her parents knew for years and didn’t tell you?”

“To be fair, they didn’t know the entire time. Kimmie and Jake told us that it was only after trying for years to have another child that they finally got fertility tests done to see if something had happened.”

“And that’s when they found out that Jake was sterile?”

Clint nodded. “They had been honest with each other; he knew she had slept with me, or rather with ‘that guy from the circus’, so it was pretty much a given where Darcy came from.”

“And there was no fallout from that? No angry recriminations?” Phil asked.

“Seems like Jake’s a pretty cool guy. Darcy was ten or so when they realized. She was his daughter, biology be damned. They thought about telling her but the right time never happened.”

“And now that you’re in the picture?”

“She’s still his daughter. He’s her dad. I’m... well, we don’t really know what I am except maybe an emergency organ donor.”

Clint felt a quick blow to the back of the head. “Knock that shit off,” Darcy growled as she climbed between the two men.

“You’re Clint. You’re my friend, a sarcastic jackass, a prankster and now you’re even more.” She looked at Phil. “Both of you are.”

Phil eyed both Darcy and Clint, sitting side by side like that he could see a resemblance. “I’m glad you think so, especially for Clint. Family hasn’t been his forte, but with you around that could change.”

“I’ll call you ‘Pops’ and ‘Daddy-O’, and you’ll be my fairy godfathers,” Darcy said, bounding up from her seat to go stand by Steve again.

“Oh lord, help me,” Phil moaned.

“Hey Pops!” Darcy yelled across the room to Phil. “When are you buying me a new iPod?”

Tony’s indignant squawks could barely be heard over Clint’s laughter.


End file.
